Merlin & Igraine
by AzulRunner
Summary: Merlin ignored Igraine's request and used his power to save her.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**

I do not own the rights to Camelot or any of the characters herein.

**Merlin and Igraine**

I

As Kay unbound his hands and released him, Merlin's first thoughts should have turned to the drama unfolding before him – Arthur confronting Morgan about Bardon Pass. But Merlin could not shake the growing suspicion that Morgan had once again targeted Igraine. He was desperate to find her and thought of nothing else.

"Where is Igraine?" he asked Kay. Kay didn't respond. "Have you seen Igraine?" Merlin asked again. As soon as his hands were free he raced up the stairs and through the halls of Camelot towards Igraine's chamber. His heart stopped when he saw her lying on the floor in the hall – pale and covered in blood.

"No," he whispered. "No!" he cried aloud. He would not accept this. He could not walk away from this. Unlike Uther who was not worth the risk associated with using his power, he _would _save Igraine – no matter what it cost him.

Even in her pale, weak, and vulnerable state, her beauty and honor was apparent – his queen. She protested, but he would not let her go. He summoned every source of power in his being, and worked it until he collapsed.

* * *

><p>Merlin awoke and found himself once again in his rafters room, surrounded by maps and drawings. He felt physically weak and emotionally empty. He had no idea what day it was – he only remembered what he had been doing before apparently blacking out.<p>

"Igraine," he said out loud. Had he succeeded? Was she alive? He couldn't remember.

Merlin sat up and two sensations overtook him - hunger and his foul smell. He quickly remedied both, finding a small, stale, loaf of bread and walking out to the sea to bathe. He felt he needed to clear his head before facing the world, Camelot, and before learning Igraine's fate. The cold water instantly revived him, and soon he was clean and becoming chilled. He emerged onto the beach to dry off and don clean trousers. As he was lacing up his boots, he heard her voice.

"We were worried about you," she said simply, standing approximately twenty yards away in the short grass that bordered the sand. His head snapped up at the sound of her voice. He saw her – he heard her – but then a horrifying feeling spread through him. It was entirely possible it was Morgan. Maybe because he had been fooled once – the one time he had allowed himself to open up – and he knew he was currently in a similarly vulnerable state – he instinctively became overly guarded. He couldn't think of anything to say because in that instant, he couldn't decide whether to assume it was Morgan or not. Truth be told, he desperately wanted to run to her, kiss her, hold her … but he was terrified that he might be hurt yet again. He maintained his composure and remained silent.

"You disappeared for seven days," she said softly, seemingly concerned.

"You know where I go, where I was. Did you not look for me?" He was measured in his response. He did not want to give Morgan too much information if it was her.

"Merlin, you made it very clear that I am not welcome in your world when you are wallowing in self pity." Her words were sharp. Was she angry with him, he wondered. His suspicion that the person that stood before him might be Morgan was fading. Morgan could not know that Merlin had rejected Igraine in his post-magic funk weeks ago, could she?

Letting his guard down for a moment, he asked quietly, "What … what did I do to you?" He did not remember how he ultimately left her in the hallway seven days ago. Had he hurt her? Had she resisted his effort to save her?

"You exposed me to the dark side of your power before bringing me back," she said, "and then you disappeared and left me to deal with it – alone." She was whispering now.

He looked at her, knowing it was Igraine. He started to walk toward her, but she stepped back, apparently wanting to keep her distance. "I asked you not to do it," she said, more of a question than a statement. "Why did you not listen? I … I am not equipped to handle this darkness. I don't know what to do with what I saw – what I now know." She was visibly upset.

"Igraine …" his voice pleading with her. "Please …" He needed to touch her, hold her – he needed it. "Please … I couldn't let you go," he whispered. "Please … I need you – here – with me." She did not move – not towards him but also not back as he slowly walked to her. "I thought I would be the one to suffer from my action. I'm sorry – please …" Still slowly moving towards her, his clean tunic remained in his hand as he had not yet put it on.

Despite her confusion and internal turmoil, she was not unaware of the pang of desire she suddenly felt for this mysterious, attractive man who was approaching her, clean and shirtless. Nonetheless, she remained where she was.

"It was selfish – completely and utterly selfish – I admit it. I was prepared to accept the consequences, but … I am so sorry that I exposed you to the consequences. I am sorry. Please …" He was now standing in front of her – close, but not close enough to touch her. He was waiting for her permission.

She shook her head. "I know you didn't want that, but what do I do now? What's done is done." She still did not move. She wanted to go to him, to reunite, to be comforted – but she felt glued to the ground. Instead, he took two steps toward her, reaching to her face, tentatively as always.

"I am here now. I can't take it back, can't undo it." He softly stroked her hair. "I don't want to undo it. There is nothing for me here if you are not part of this."

More pangs of desire coursed through Igraine as Merlin's slender, strong hand alternated between her cheek and her hair. He had dropped his tunic into the grass. She stepped to him, closing the small gap that had been between them. Still, she had learned her lesson weeks ago – she did not initiate any contact. He framed her face with both hands. He pressed against her as he lightly kissed her forehead, eyes, temples, cheek – her entire face. She badly wanted to taste his lips – his lips that he had denied her the last time they were so close. But she waited for him to get there. He kissed her neck, her collar bone, her chin … closer. Finally Merlin kissed Igraine. After so much, after turning away from her, then giving himself to her only to find out it had been Morgan, and then almost losing her … he finally had her – Igraine – in his arms. It was even more intense than when he was with Morgan.

She melted into him immediately when his lips met hers. Her hands to his chest and then to the back of his head – she eagerly drank him in – tongues dancing.

* * *

><p>They stood in the short grass embracing, tenderly kissing for many minutes, his arousal apparent and hers growing stronger – but he was hesitant to go further. Was he afraid of overstepping her boundary or was it the taint of Morgan?<p>

Igraine, however, did not hesitate. She began to unlace his trousers. He was surprised – maybe because he didn't expect her to assert herself or maybe because he still thought he might be dreaming… He groaned softly and snapped back into action, gently guiding her down into the soft, short grass, taking care to untie the back of her dress and pull it down off of her shoulders. He trailed kisses down her neck, chest, and shoulders, moving garments out of his way in the process. Even though he had covered every inch of this body eight days ago, he wanted to experience every inch of her again - for real this time. Unlike with Morgan, Igraine seemed to react to every kiss, every touch. Perhaps it was because Igraine had not been with anyone other than selfish, brutish men who had not cared whether they pleased her – or maybe it was because Morgan was manipulating him when they were together and at least some of her actions and reactions were contrived … whatever the reason, this was far more satisfying for Merlin.

Igraine was experiencing real pleasure and arousal for the first time in her life. Yes, she had grown to love her former husbands, but the first time she was with both of them, they claimed her quickly and paid no attention to her needs. This – this was unbelievable. Merlin was worshiping her body – slowly traveling southbound, placing soft kisses over every inch of her. And it was _this _man – this mysterious, intense, beautiful, fascinating man with whom she had been flirting, for whom she had been falling… Pure delight, and oh, he had reached the place just below her navel … her desire was hot now. For the first time in her life she desperately wanted this – needed it.

Merlin had been peeling Igraine's dress down an inch at a time, but it was now very much in his way. He slid back up to meet her mouth and reached behind her to fully unlace the bodice. Then, running his hands down her torso, he smoothly slid the whole dress down past her legs, and tossed it to the side. He quickly returned to Igraine's soft lips, having been away too long. Now he had only a few scant undergarments to contend with, and he quickly rid her of them.

Igraine broke the kiss to work on removing _his _clothes. She absolutely despised it when men didn't bother to take their clothes off before satisfying themselves – it seemed a way for them (even her husbands) to keep control and assert even more dominance. But Merlin was happy to allow her to disrobe him. He let her strip him and then pulled her on top of him, putting her in the dominant position. He reached up to stroke her perfect breasts and then slid his hands between her thighs which were straddling his stomach.

"Please, Igraine. I need you…" he said softly. He flicked her a few times, stroked a few more, and he could feel her arousal.

"Mmmm…" she purred, head back, eyes closed. As much as Merlin wanted to be inside of her, he was completely turned on by her reaction, so he continued to pay attention to her with his hands. He brought her close a least twice, but both times she leaned forward to kiss him and back him off. She wanted to save it for when he was inside of her – something she had never experienced with any other man – they never cared enough to bring her so close. While she was exploring his mouth with her tongue, she slid back slightly and found him, willing and waiting. Sparks of pleasure shot through her as he slid into her – warm, wet, and ready. She leaned back, hands on his thighs, his at her waist, and it took only four long strokes before waves of pleasure crashed over her – and they coming as he continued to thrust inside of her. "Mmmmm … Merlin … don't stop," she breathed. She glanced down at him after the intense waves returned to smaller jolts of pleasure and saw his eyes were closed, a look of contentment on his face. She continued to ride him closer to his climax, leaning down to kiss him again. His eyes flew open and he groaned into her mouth. He lost all control and finished in a few long, hard strokes, groaning with pleasure.

When he was still, he kissed her face softly and caressed her back. "My queen," he said smiling – something he rarely did.

She repositioned herself so that she was lying flat on him and slowly traced a few light circles on his face. "My sorcerer," she said, before nestling into his arms.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:**

I do not own the rights to _Camelot_ or any of the characters herein.

**Summary:**

Something was triggered inside of Igraine the first time she and Merlin were together and she quickly realizes she wants more of him but doesn't know why.

**II – The Initiation**

Igraine's cheek was resting close to Merlin's heart, and she could sense the subtle rhythm inside of him. She suddenly felt extremely energized – a major change from the dark state she had been in the past week. That was really no surprise. After all, this beautiful, intense, and visionary man had demonstrated his attachment to her in two of the most intimate ways possible. First he had summoned and controlled his exceptional power to save her at great sacrifice to himself. And now he had given himself to her – body and, seemingly, soul. This realization sparked something inside of Igraine. Lying there on top of him, she felt empowered – as if she had received something from Merlin through their union. It was a pleasing sensation, and one that Igraine desired to prolong. She felt strong and ready to face the world – the week of despair she experienced when Merlin used his magic to save her already fading from her memory.

She was almost unaware of Merlin, shuffling around her as he gathered their clothing and leaned down to kiss her softly. "Come on, we are sure to have company soon." Merlin said, interrupting her blissful reflection. She snapped out of her daze at the sound of his voice and smiled at him as he handed her dress to her. She slipped it over her head and immediately looked as if nothing had happened. As they walked back to Camelot, Igraine was still lost in thought. She managed to respond to a few questions from Merlin and to nod and approve when he told her of his plans for the day—something about a trip to another village and that he might not be back until tomorrow. But her mind was elsewhere. She was fully fixated on the events that had just occurred and the fantastic high she was experiencing. She couldn't put her finger on it, but she had experienced this feeling once before. It was the feeling of power inside of her – it wasn't overwhelming, but it was definitely there.

Merlin walked Igraine back to her chamber and, because there were other people in the hallway, bowed slightly rather than kissing her before he left. She walked into her chamber and out to her balcony, still trying to identify when she had felt this way before. Looking out to the sea, she realized it was similar to the feeling she had experienced right after Merlin had brought her back from the brink of death – right after he had summoned and used all of his power to save her. At the time she had been overwhelmed at the darkness and evil she had felt, but now that she was really focused, she remembered this feeling of pure power faintly running through her as well. And that was what she had felt right after she and Merlin had been together – but without the darkness and evil that had accompanied the magic. She didn't know what it was, exactly, but she knew she wanted to feel it again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:**

I do not own the rights to _Camelot_ or any of the characters herein.

**III – The Addiction**

Igraine went about her business that day, continuing her work of slowly organizing and institutionalizing Camelot. Although she was able to focus on her tasks and lead the meetings she had called, her thoughts kept turning to Merlin. She hoped he would return to Camelot that night. She already missed his hands on her breasts – the heat of his body warming her. She didn't fear for his well-being and he hadn't been gone long enough for her to miss his companionship. It was a physical craving – and it surprised and thrilled Igraine. She had never experienced such hunger for a man before.

Merlin returned to Camelot early the next morning. He hadn't been able to fall asleep that night, so he decided to ride back before the sun even came up. As he walked through the courtyard, all was quiet. He noticed and enjoyed the rare serenity. He hoped he could catch a short nap before the day began. Even better, he thought, would be to crawl into bed with Igraine, who he imagined was still asleep, and spend the entire day there. As he walked to his chamber, he tried to shake off the thought, remembering all of the important things he had planned for the day. He didn't have time to be distracted – his work was too important – the objective was too great. But images of her perfect breasts flashed through his head, the way the smooth skin over her taut stomach felt under his fingers still fresh in his mind. He permitted himself to smile, remembering how exhilarating it had been when his mouth finally met hers for the first time. He reached his chamber, still tingling from reliving the experience.

Merlin walked into his chamber and immediately began to shed his heavy riding clothes. As he pulled his wool shirt over his face, he saw Igraine sleeping peacefully in his bed. He smiled again. Before approaching the bed, Merlin quickly made a promise to himself that he would not stay there all day – he would get to his work. Then he slipped into the bed and under the covers, being careful not to wake her. He fell asleep almost immediately.

* * *

><p>Igraine awoke and found Merlin next to her, sleeping soundly. She smiled, pleased that he was back and that he had joined her in bed. She knew it was a bit of a risk to intrude on his personal space like this, but she felt a strong desire to be near him as soon as possible. The fact that he had returned and fallen asleep next to her meant that her gamble had paid off. Knowing that Merlin often had difficulty sleeping, Igraine decided not to wake him. Instead, she quietly walked out to the balcony to take in the rising sun. Soon enough he was there, embracing her from behind, planting soft kisses on her neck and shoulders. One of his hands roamed up to her breasts and the other down to her pelvis. She could already feel his desire pressing up against her back. She leaned back into him and murmured, "Good morning." This was <em>exactly<em> why she had come to his chamber to wait for him.

Igraine turned around to face Merlin and ran both of her hands softly over his head. He groaned a little, clearly approving of her action. Igraine felt a sense of relief as Merlin ran his hands through her hair and pressed himself into her. The physical contact was invigorating. She pushed back a bit so she could pull her light night dress up over her head and toss it off to the side. Then she stepped back to him, eager to reestablish the contact. She went to work quickly removing his clothes. Merlin easily lifted her up to his waist and she wrapped her legs around him. She slid down onto him and threw her head back, exposing her neck and chest to him. He held her there for a moment as he devoured her, kissing every inch that he could reach. Then she leaned forward and found his lips, kissing him possessively and aggressively. Still responding to her demanding kiss, Merlin walked them back over to the bed, lifted her up off of him and down onto it. Then he smothered her with kisses as he had done yesterday, worshiping her body.

"Merlin, please …" she pleaded. "Fuck me now."

His head shot up to look at her, shocked and incredibly aroused to hear his dignified, elegant Queen asking for it as though she couldn't wait another second for him to be inside of her. He raised both of her wrists over her head with one hand and possessively took her right breast in the other as he followed her command.

As he moved deliciously in and out of her, Igraine wiggled her wrists free and took his hand in hers, still above her head. Then she ran one hand up his arm to his face and to the base of his head, needing to be physically connected to him in as many places as possible. Having Merlin inside of her was intoxicating, and she felt herself slipping into that blissful state she had experienced yesterday. She felt that small source of power running through her. It was as if Merlin was delivering it to her via skin to skin contact. She didn't want it to stop.

But Merlin was too stimulated to last very long this time. It was all he could do to avoid losing it when Igraine begged him to fuck her. He saved it as long as he could, but inevitably he succumbed to his glorious orgasm. As he did so, he told her how much he worshiped her – his beautiful Queen. He wondered why he had waited so long to do this. He looked down to find her mouth open slightly, eyes closed, and hands flat on his chest. Merlin fancied it was because he had just rocked her world. He felt privileged to have been chosen for the task. No doubt Igraine was elegant, beautiful, intelligent and even strong in her own way. But Merlin was beginning to realize she was more assertive than he expected. It was a pleasant surprise, especially when she asserted herself like _this_.

Igraine was basking in the aftermath, high from not only the physical pleasure she had felt but also the satisfying feeling of empowerment she had eagerly anticipated. It was there, just as she had hoped – just as it had been the last time. Merlin had given her something during their physical connection. She didn't know what it was, but again, she knew she wanted more of it.

Igraine rolled over onto her side to face Merlin, gently running her fingers over his shoulder and up and down his arm. "I suppose you have vital Camelot business to tend to today," she said feigning regret.

Merlin smiled. "As do you, my Lady." He softly kissed her forehead and rolled reluctantly out of the bed. "And I promised myself I would not stay here all day, no matter how much I would like to." He wandered around the room, locating and putting on suitable clothing for the day. "But you should stay as long as you like," he said. "I could get used to finding you in my bed."

Igraine sat up, letting the sheets fall to her waist. "Don't count on it," she said playfully. She observed him lose his focus a bit as his eyes moved over her longingly. She reveled in her ability to command his attention so easily. She was glad for it, knowing it would come in handy later. She already missed having his hands on her and didn't want to wait too long for them to return. As he finished dressing, she got out of bed and quickly fixed herself up so she could return to her room without creating any chatter amongst the chambermaids. As Merlin walked down the hallway to go his separate way for the morning, Igraine felt that surge of power she had been enjoying dissipate a little.

What was going on, she wondered? She knew she was not imagining that she had felt this energy both times she was with Merlin. And she was fairly certain it had been there along with the disturbing darkness and evil when he had used his magic. She wondered whether Merlin's magic was creating this energy. More importantly, she wondered, would she achieve this feeling of power every time she was with Merlin? A shiver of delight ran down Igraine's spine just thinking about it. She thought nothing of the disconcerting darkness she had been struggling with during the seven days after Merlin used his power. She thought only of that feeling of power he had left her with. She smiled, already looking forward to the next time she could have Merlin.

* * *

><p>Merlin returned to Camelot at sundown after accompanying Arthur and his men to a meeting with several nearby village leaders. He was in good spirits as the meeting had been productive. He strode through the courtyard, spotting his Lady in the opposite corner standing before a group of young boys and girls. Merlin surmised she was informing them of her plans to conduct organized mathematics lessons for the young people in Camelot. He saw a girl raise her hand and eagerly ask Igraine a question. Merlin couldn't hear what the girl had asked, but he saw Igraine's face light up in amusement as she listened to the question. He watched, charmed and enchanted as Igraine supressed her urge to laugh and kindly responded to the girl's question. He smirked ironically, catching himself reacting like a blissful schoolboy consumed by this new liaison. Sighing, he knew he was already in danger of allowing this to become a distraction. He knew he had a choice: suppress these joyful feelings and reactions and likely push Igraine away in the process; or simply react to what was happening around him for once rather than dictating it. Watching her talking to those children, he couldn't imagine turning away from her. He felt drawn to her physically and emotionally. Maybe another day he would make a different choice, but today he would let life happen. Today he would accept and welcome the very pleasant distraction standing before him.<p>

Merlin purposefully caught Igraine's eye as he walked by the group of children on his way to the dinning area. She smiled and nodded slightly to acknowledge him, but she stayed to work with the children for another twenty minutes. After dismissing them to go find their parents, Igraine went to supper. She found Arthur eating with his knights and asked if she might join them. She tried to spend a little time with Arthur every day, usually at supper. He welcomed her happily as usual and asked her to tell them what exciting events occurred at Camelot that day.

"It has been a sleepy time in Camelot, Arthur," Merlin called out from behind Igraine before she had a chance to respond. "Absolutely nothing interesting has happened the past two days," he added as he walked around the other side of the table across from Igraine and Arthur, directing a purposeful smirk at Igraine.

"Wrong Merlin, _you_ decided to show your face again yesterday." Arthur retorted. "That was interesting indeed," he said proudly. "Anyway, I was asking my mother as I believe she is far better suited than you to tell us the news of the day." Igraine laughed and pacified Arthur by telling him of Camelot's inaugural mathematics class. After dining and discussing plans for education in Camelot, Igraine excused herself, explaining that she was "exhausted" and looking directly at Merlin as she said it. "Goodnight and rest well!" Arthur cried cheerfully. Igraine smiled, knowing she wouldn't be resting until much later.

* * *

><p>After waiting a suitable amount of time after Igraine left for her chamber, Merlin similarly excused himself and was soon standing at her door, knocking softly. She opened the door for him and had barely closed it before he was on her, pinning her back against it. He kissed her eagerly, sucking on her bottom lip then finding her tongue with his. He kept her pinned against the door for a while, exploring playfully. Merlin was in no hurry that night.<p>

Igraine was certainly responding to Merlin's actions and the physical pleasure he was causing her, but she was even more focused on trying to feel the power surge. She kept her hands on him at all times, attempting to maintain as much physical contact as possible. She felt the power surge strengthen the more contact they shared. It was intoxicating – both the external sensations and the internal rush of power. As Merlin stepped back to strip, he broke all physical contact and she felt the loss of power immediately. In that moment, she realized it had to be his magic causing this feeling. But she didn't care. All she cared about was getting back into Merlin's arms as quickly as possible to reestablish the connection. She was being seduced by Merlin's magic.

Merlin was oblivious to Igraine's dual purpose that evening. After all, she was responding to his actions and initiating her own as much or more as the last two times they had been together. At the moment, she was arching her back and moaning with delight as he licked and nibbled on her breasts. Then she was pinning him down and inching downward, kissing and licking as she went. He stopped breathing as he anticipated that she would take him in her mouth. But she playfully avoided it, sliding even further down his thighs. He groaned. "Not fair," he complained, smiling.

"Patience, Sorcerer," she responded mockingly. That only made him squirm more. Meanwhile, Igraine was getting her "fix" as most of her body was touching his. She intentionally brushed him with her bicep, then forearm, then thumb as she slid southward. For Igraine it was double the fun. She could feel the exquisite power she was receiving through their connection and she was thoroughly enjoying giving this to Merlin. She genuinely wanted to pleasure him, and it delighted her that he was responding to her teasing. Up until that point, it had been Merlin who had done most of the teasing and pleasing.

They made love as passionately as the last two times but this time was more playful. Merlin had decided not to worry that he was being irresponsible, and Igraine was high from the energy he was giving her. When she had finally driven him past the point of no return and he had thrown his hips up into her for the last time, she smiled down at him feeling powerful and proud of what she had accomplished. She could see she had left him weak and satisfied. "Lord have mercy," Merlin mumbled.

Igraine laughed. "You don't believe in the Lord."

"Whatever…" Merlin said lazily. "You are unbelievable." He pulled her down toward his face to kiss her softly. "Unbelievable." He said again, closing his eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:**

I do not own the rights to _Camelot_ or any of the characters herein.

**IV – The Escalation**

As she lay on Merlin with his arms loosely wrapped around her, Igraine thought about Merlin's magic. If she was feeling this much energy from him when he wasn't intentionally summoning his power, what would it be like if he did? Could the power surge she so enjoyed be even stronger if Merlin actually used his magic? She shivered at the thought. She briefly recalled that she had spent seven days struggling with deep despair and darkness after Merlin had used his magic and briefly acknowledged those days were unpleasant and disconcerting. But the feeling of empowerment was extremely tempting, and Igraine realized she wanted to find out how strong it could be. Somewhere in the back of Igraine's mind she knew she was being seduced by the magic, but she didn't much care.

Another thought had been circulating through her mind – one that she did not care to discuss with Merlin yet. She desperately wanted revenge on Morgan for … well, everything. But primarily Igraine desired to shove a knife into Morgan's abdomen just as Morgan had done to her. Of course Igraine knew she could never actual _do _that. But the thought of Merlin using his power to exact revenge rather thrilled her. Oh, how sweet it would be to watch Merlin destroy Morgan using her own game to do it. Igraine figured Merlin had as much or more reason to seek retribution as she did. Not only was he sizzling about what Morgan had done to Igraine, Morgan had fucked Merlin over too, quite literally. The stunt she pulled in seducing him using Igraine's form was despicable and Igraine _knew_ it had affected Merlin more than he would ever admit. She saw the look of disillusionment and disgust on his face when he realized who he had been with that night. And so she began to think about how she might subtly persuade Merlin to use his power to punish Morgan.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:**

I do not own the rights to _Camelot_ or any of the characters herein.

**V - The Manipulation**

"Merlin," Igraine said, leaving the bed for a moment to fix herself up a bit. "What really happens to you when you use your power?" She looked over at him as she brushed and braided her hair.

Merlin studied her for a moment, considering her question. "It costs," he said, reverting to his standard answer to the question. He had used that answer hundreds of times over the years. Half of the time, the interrogator accepted that answer, but he knew he probably wouldn't get away with it this time. He watched her reaction as she narrowed her eyes and shook her head

"No, Merlin. You forfeited the right to evade this topic when you willfully subjected me to it against my wishes. In fact you forfeited that right twenty years ago…"

He exhaled slowly. Her demeanor was poles apart from the nervous and self-doubting woman who tried to elicit these same answers from him in his rafters room after Excalibur. Igraine had changed since being held captive at Pendragon and since Morgan had nearly succeeding in murdering her. She had gained both confidence and cynicism through her recent experiences. Whereas he had easily brushed off these same general questions from her before because she was too insecure and too intimidated by him to insist upon an answer, Merlin could tell she wasn't going to back down this time. Merlin knew Igraine had justifiably accumulated a list of grievances against him over the years and he knew she now had enough confidence to address them—their new affair notwithstanding. He felt compelled to answer her.

"The forces are tempting and addictive and when I use them, I feel higher than high. But the forces levy a charge. It depends on what I use them for … something small and temporary takes little toll—but it fuels the addiction."

"And what about changing a man's appearance for a night?" Igraine didn't include the 'so he could rape me' clause in that question but it hung in the air as heavily as if she had.

Merlin cringed. Since the day Igraine arrived in Camelot, and especially as their relationship grew more complex, Merlin knew he would eventually have to deal with that issue. Weeks ago he would have arrogantly dismissed the question citing the importance of the cause—the means justified the ends. But his feelings for Igraine had given him pause to regret—if only slightly—what he had done to her. He turned his eyes away from hers, the normally poised Merlin discomfited by the subject. "That … cost more," he said softly.

"What?" she demanded. "What did it cost you? I want to know. You know what it cost me." Igraine had begun this conversation intending to merely feel Merlin out on the subject of using his power, but as she found her confidence, she couldn't help going to this topic that had weighed on her for twenty years.

"I almost lost myself because of it. If I'm lucky I can feel myself being pulled toward the darkness. That time I wasn't lucky. I was willingly going there and had to fight to pull myself back. You saw it. You saw what it can do."

She studied him. "Which was it this time ... after you saved me?" Her voice was softer now. She knew the feeling of being pulled toward it –she struggled for a week. But she knew her struggle was minimal compared to Merlin's.

"I was lucky this time," he confessed. He had struggled for many days, but he realized it was nowhere near as terrible as his experience after Excalibur.

"Perhaps because you used your power for good and because you controlled it this time?" She said, walking back toward the bed. They both knew she was contrasting this "good" use with both the Uther and Excalibur incidents.

"I don't know about that," he said softly, not wanting to acknowledge the possibility that using magic for a "higher purpose" might cost less. For no matter the immediate physical and emotional cost of an action, using his power did fuel the addiction that he had worked so hard to manage.

"But did the outcome not justify the cost this time?" She asked pointedly.

"This time … it did." Merlin admitted. "It does not always."

Igraine climbed back into bed next to Merlin who had sat up during the interrogation. "It seems to me that you don't acknowledge the benefits—only the costs."

Merlin put his arm around her as she curled into him and stroked her hair. He shrugged a little as he looked down at her, glad to have her in his arms. She was alive only because he used his power. "Perhaps," he thought.

* * *

><p>Igraine had not been outside of the walls of Camelot for nearly two weeks and she was beginning to feel a bit stir crazy so she approached one Camelot's regular hunters, a young man of twenty-seven years named Dwight, about accompanying him on the next ride. Dwight was a tall gangly fellow with flat brown hair that parted awkwardly right in the middle of his forehead. He had a large mouth and carried himself with a perpetual slouch and Igraine swore that every time she saw Dwight he was wearing a mustard colored tunic. She had often wondered about what type of young man would choose such odd and unattractive fashions.<p>

"Ha! I don't think so," Dwight replied haughtily to Igraine's request. "The hunt is no place for a _Lady_. We ride hard and fast." Well, she had her answer. Apparently a garish man with no regard for pleasantries would choose such odd and unattractive fashions. Igraine smiled sweetly, and took the bow from his hand and studied it.

"Dwight, I assure you I will keep up," she said, "and maybe you can teach me what to do with this?" She waived the bow in front of him. The thought of showing the Lady how to use a bow caused his mind to wander to some very distracting thoughts. Igraine could practically see said thoughts passing through his head as his face turned impossibly red and his expression changed. She suppressed the urge to laugh. "Right, so when do we leave?"

"Ten o'clock, my Lady," he said dubiously.

At ten o'clock sharp Igraine rode out with Dwight and three other men. She easily kept up on the ride as she promised. Igraine had spent most days of her childhood on a horse, exploring her father's land. She was as strong a rider as any of the men. But, as a female growing up in a family with "means", she had not learned to hunt or fight as she might have learned if she had grown up in a peasant family. Recently she had begun to regret that. Maybe it would have made no difference when Morgan corralled her into her chamber at Pendragon and maybe she would not have been able to fend off Morgan's surprise dagger attack … but Igraine had decided she wanted a fighting chance next time. So she was determined to explore every opportunity to develop some small amount of skill in both combat and self-defense.

When the group arrived at destination for the day, Igraine dismounted and asked Dwight to give her a quick lesson. The young man flashed an overconfident smirk as though he didn't believe her capable of hitting a black bear three feet in front of her. But, irritating as he was, Dwight turned out to be a good teacher. He showed Igraine how to pull the instrument back and how to nock the arrow using his own bow. "Good, good, my Lady!" he said approvingly. Although outwardly he kept his arrogant façade, he was reveling in this opportunity to teach _the _Lady of Camelot. "Now how about practicing on that tree over there?" Dwight steered her away from the direction the men had gone. Igraine fetched an armguard from her saddle pack and a few arrows and nocked the first arrow. She drew back the bow, aimed at the tree, and released the string for her first practice shot.

"Ouch!" Igraine exclaimed, dropping the bow and clutching her arm as the string snapped into the armguard on her forearm. She didn't even bother to look where the arrow landed – inspecting her arm instead.

Dwight chuckled. He knew she was not actually injured. "Not bad," he said, pointing to the arrow sticking out of the bark.

The stinging pain subsided quickly as Igraine looked up to see that she had hit her target. "Ha!" she thought. What a satisfying feeling. She nocked the next arrow and shot again, yelping a little as the string hit her. This time she watched as the arrow zipped into the tree trunk.

"You have potential—especially under my tutelage." Dwight declared. He instructed her to continue to practice on the tree and promised to return soon. With that he mounted his horse and trotted off to hunt for a while.

Igraine continued to practice, hitting the tree trunk with most of her attempts. She backed up to make it more difficult. The sting of the string hitting her armguard lessened as her forearm became desensitized. As she backed away from the tree, she attempted unsuccessfully to draw the bow back farther and realized the limits of her strength. She sighed. It was no surprise she had no arm strength but it suddenly bothered her. Why had she ever thought it was okay to be weak? She drew the bow back again as far as she could, stretching it almost to her ear. The arrow zipped into the tree trunk once again.

"Impressive," a familiar voice called out from several yards behind her. She turned to see Merlin sitting on his horse, smirking at her. "What on earth are you doing out here?" he asked.

Igraine shrugged and smiled. "I needed to get out. I convinced the hunters to let me come with them."

"I'm sure that was not difficult." Merlin said, remembering that three of the four regular hunters were young, single men. Igraine just smiled and rolled her eyes. She walked over to the tree to bring back the arrows, picking up a few that had missed the mark as well. "It looks like you are ready for a moving target," Merlin noted, pointing at the hand carrying the arrows that had been lodged in the tree.

"Care to provide one?" She asked, realizing this could be a chance for him to use his power in a "small and temporary" way. Merlin did not catch her meaning.

"No way! You are already too accurate."

Igraine laughed. "I didn't mean _you_."

Merlin's eyes widened as he realized what she was suggesting. He felt a twinge of temptation from deep within him. "I think you should keep practicing on the tree and wait for something to come along." He said, pushing the temptation down.

Igraine shrugged and turned back to the tree. She knew better than to push this. She nocked another arrow and sent it straight into the tree again, yelping as the string hit her arm which had regained feeling after standing idle for a few minutes. Merlin dismounted and walked over to her. He stood about a yard behind her, stroking the shadow on his chin. She released another arrow and hit her mark. "I guess you don't need to practice more," he said, purposefully. She drew the bow back again, aiming for the tree. Suddenly she saw a rabbit off to her left nibbling on some grass. As she shifted her aim towards it, the rabbit became startled and started running to the right, directly in front of her. She tracked it for a moment and released. The arrow sailed just over the rabbit as it darted into some shrubbery and out of danger. Igraine turned to look at Merlin, who was still stroking is chin absently.

"Again!" she cried, eyes lighting up.

"Do you think I can make rabbits appear out of thin air?" Merlin asked mockingly.

Igraine drew an arrow from her quiver and playfully pointed it at his chest as though it were a sword. "I do." She dragged the tip of the arrow up his chest to his neck. "And I want another," she said seductively. She saw something in his eyes. It was desire, but she could tell it was not directed at her. He nodded his head toward the tree. She turned to find another rabbit eating just behind the tree. This time she was able to nock her arrow and draw back the bow without starting the rabbit. She released and soon heard the cry of the animal, squarely hit. Igraine looked back at Merlin, quite sure he had used his power to draw out the rabbit. He was still and gave no indication one way or the other.

"Impressive," was all he said.

* * *

><p>By all accounts Merlin was perfectly normal that evening. Igraine observed him carefully to determine whether she could detect any ill-effects from his use of magic that morning. She saw none. She watched him from the balcony as he consulted with Arthur and she watched him eat and drink with the men staying quite most of the time but piping in with a comment now and then. She had decided to leave him alone that evening, dining with the Guinevere and the ladies instead. As usual, their conversation quickly turned to men. Igraine listened, amused. She had never known the excitement of a courtship as she had been married off to Cornwell at a very young age, but it was fun for her to hear the girls talk dreamily about the various men. She smirked to herself knowing she could take the cake as far as gossip went at the table. Oh how they would faint from shock if they knew about her and Merlin! They were all convinced that Merlin was oblivious to the fairer sex. After all, he had never as much as spoken to any of them. One young lady mentioned Dwight and Igraine quickly turned her attention back to the conversation. The rather plain looking girl described how Dwight had fixed her broken garden tool and eloquently explained how to prevent the tool from breaking again. Igraine smiled to herself, recalling Dwight's pompous nature and knowing that if Dwight had been eloquent it was simply to hear himself talk—not because he had eyes for the girl.<p>

After supper, Igraine wandered slowly through the courtyard, enjoying the starry night sky. She was beginning to feel a bit antsy, having gone all day without experiencing the powerful effects of Merlin's touch. However, she was hesitant to go to him. Although he appeared to be unaffected by his use of magic, she wasn't in the mood to deal with a recluse tonight. As she continued to stroll, she saw him standing in the far corner leaning casually against a pillar, watching her. She stopped, cocked her head a bit, and smiled at him. He nodded his head towards the hallway, silently asking her to follow him. Igraine obeyed. He waited for her at the door to his chamber.

"I want to show you something," he said mysteriously. Igraine followed Merlin into his chamber. Unlike the rafters room where Merlin went to be alone and think, she thought his bedchamber was surprisingly dull. There were no bizarre drawings or markings and it was neat and orderly. The bed was much smaller than hers and not nearly as ornate. He walked to the other side of the room to retrieve a small box and brought it back to her. She opened the lid and saw a small hand warmer made of rabbit fur. "In honor of your first kill," he said trying to hold back his classic smirk.

Igraine smiled and reached into the box to feel the soft fur. "Thank you. It's lovely. And I couldn't have done it without you." She kissed his cheek innocently.

She should have known there was no innocence left between them, but she was caught off guard by how quickly his fire was lit. He was on her instantly, his tongue demanding entry to her mouth and his hands possessively roaming about her, shedding clothing that happened to be in his way. He had her naked in a matter of minutes. Igraine didn't object. She was more than happy that his hands had returned to her body. She could feel the faint power he was delivering to her and was anxious for more. She pushed him towards the bed, untying his tunic as she advanced. Ridding himself of the rest of his clothing, he climbed on top of her and looked down with a hungry gaze.

Igraine felt an almost insatiable need for Merlin to be inside of her. She anticipated the satisfying physical stimulation, no doubt, but of course she desired more than that. She ached for the connection. Thankfully he kissed her breasts a few times but then wasted no time in plunging into her. Igraine sighed with satisfaction as Merlin made love to her, her need for him growing stronger with every stroke. She hardly noticed that she was getting close. She just knew she wanted him to keep going. She wrapped her legs around his waist to keep him inside of her more of the time, which caused both of them to climax forcefully, wave after wave of pleasure surging over them. Merlin collapsed down next to her, breathless. He was still breathing hard as he turned to face her.

Igraine lay with her hands over her head, smiling. She felt very satisfied. She had subtly convinced Merlin to use his magic and she had received the intoxicating power surge she craved. Not a bad day.


	6. Chapter 6

**IV - The Justification**

Morgan's attack on Bardon Pass and other outposts under Camelot's protection had succeeded in injuring Arthur's reputation across the realm. As a result, Merlin insisted Arthur's number one priority must be to reestablish good relations with the people of Britain and rebuild confidence in Camelot's authority. This required Arthur and his men to travel across the lands for days and sometimes a week at a time. Because Morgan had personally attacked Merlin's character and called into question his influence over Arthur, it was important for Merlin to demonstrate that Arthur was autonomous. There was no better way to do that than to stand silently by Arthur's side when he met with villagers, smile, and look trustworthy. So Merlin accompanied the men whenever he could. Merlin hated it. He hated that he had to deviate from his well-organized plans to coddle these simple-minded, easily fooled people. He hated to smile and stand silently by while people complained to Arthur about the minutia of their daily lives. He hated the constant questions about his sorcery. Finally, he _hated _that every villager felt it their duty to inform Arthur and his men about every tidbit of gossip they knew.

However, sometimes the gossip was helpful. The other purpose of Arthur's travels was to keep tabs on Morgan. There had been almost no news from Castle Pendragon in the five weeks since Morgan had been banished, and Merlin was beginning to grow suspicious. He didn't believe for one second that Morgan would give up her quest for the crown. Merlin knew it was only a matter of time before she would regroup after the loss of Sybil. So with every visit, the men casually but purposefully asked the village people whether there was any news of Morgan Pendragon.

Arthur and his men had been invited to join the most prominent landowner in the village of Manchester for supper that night and Merlin felt compelled to go, as he knew the landowner had been at Pendragon the day Merlin and Igraine arrived to confront Morgan. So Merlin donned the least sorcerer-looking outfit he possessed, pasted a fake smile on his face, and attempted to be friendly. He happened to be seated next to the landowner's wife and her sister. Merlin knew he was in for a long night, but he also knew if anyone had relevant information about Castle Pendragon, these women would have it. He let them blather on about weddings and other irrelevant nonsense for awhile and was just about to steer the conversation toward Morgan when the wife dropped a proverbial fireball.

"You know, Merlin," the wife said, leaning close and putting her rotund hand on Merlin's shoulder as he took a sip of wine. "I have recently heard that Morgan Pendragon is with child!" The wife's face lit up as though she had just divulged the location of the Holy Grail. Merlin nearly spit the wine out all over her. He turned to her, eyes turning dark.

"My lady," he said slowly. "How have you learned this information?" A knot was forming in the pit of Merlin's stomach. If this were true, it could be part of Morgan's quest for the crown. But even more troubling was the possibility that … he couldn't bear to complete the though in his mind…

The wife merrily told Merlin that a friend of a friend's husband conducts trade business at Castle Pendragon and he learned the information from his trade partner who learned it from Pendragon's head merchant who apparently had head it from some of the Pendragon chambermaids. The wife was still talking, but Merlin had tuned her out. The knot in his stomach had turned into a full blown stomach ache, and he thought he might actually lose his supper. He cut the wife off mid-sentence as politely as he could, excused himself, and hurried away from the table and out of the dining hall. His heart was pounding as he ran into the landowner's expansive courtyard. The only other time in his life he had felt this much panic was when Morgan strode through the great hall at Camelot dragging Arthur's sword behind her. He silently cursed her for her ability to consistently bring him so much distress. The thought that he could possible be tied to Morgan in that way was revolting to Merlin. He had to find out whether she really was expecting, and if so, whether it had anything to do with him.

* * *

><p>Merlin spent the rest of the three-day trip discretely gathering intelligence. Three different sources told him they heard second-hand that Morgan Pendragon was expecting. It was enough evidence that Merlin felt compelled to go confront Morgan. So he left Arthur and the men before they reached the next village and rode as fast as he could to Castle Pendragon. Merlin had no idea what he was going to say to Morgan, or whether she would even speak to him, but he knew he would not leave until he had an answer.<p>

As Merlin entered the Pendragon courtyard, his stomach was churning. This was not going to be pleasant. He dismounted and politely asked for Morgan. Her guard eyed him suspiciously and told him to wait there. Merlin paced back and forth as he waited. He contemplated what he would do if she confirmed the rumors. If she was expecting, it would inevitably give her new cause to attack Arthur, which was bad enough. He still couldn't bring himself to think about the possibility that it was his.

"Well, well, well," Morgan sneered at him from the doorway to the Castle. "I can only imagine why you are here," she said smugly.

Merlin knew if he wanted to get any information from her he would have to be nice. He maintained his cool and walk calmly toward her. "I hear congratulations are in order," Merlin stated matter-of-factly.

"Merlin," Morgan cooed patronizingly. "Do you really think I would tell _you_ if they were?" She smiled sardonically. "You and I are enemies, are we not?"

"Morgan, if it is true, then you know as well as I that it won't be a secret forever. Besides," he said, softening his voice a bit, "I believe I am entitled to know … whether …" Merlin simply couldn't say it out loud. He shook his head. "You may gloat all you like about what happened. You may throw it in my face for the rest of your life. You may taunt me publically. But you owe me an answer."

He was quietly firm, and it shook Morgan. She had not expected him to be quiet or calm. She had expected rage from him. She had expected him to storm into Pendragon ranting and demanding answers. She turned her head to the side. "Merlin, you may rest easy." Slowly and deliberately she turned back toward him. "You have no obligation here."

He could tell she was being sincere, and he couldn't hide his relief upon learning of his acquittal.

"Ha! You should be so lucky." Morgan scoffed. "It is not _I_ who am unworthy of you, Merlin…quite the contrary indeed. Your blood is not nearly pure enough."

"Come, Morgan, share your news." Merlin said, his lip curling up in a sneer. "Tell me, who have you chosen? Did he know with whom he lay?" His tone had turned icy now that he had secured the crucial piece of information for which he had come.

Morgan smiled ironically. "Merlin, I have absolved you. I do not owe you any more than that. Go back to your fantasy world and your illegitimate queen." And with that, Morgan turned on her heel and walked back into the Castle leaving Merlin to ponder whose child Morgan carried.

* * *

><p>Arthur and his men returned to Camelot before Merlin, and they were full of news and gossip from their five-day journey. Igraine heard the rumor about Morgan directly from Arthur within two hours of his arrival. Arthur expressed doubt that it was true, but Igraine didn't think it was that impossible. She immediately suspected that if it were true, Morgan was up to something.<p>

"Arthur, where is Merlin? Was he not in Manchester with you?" Igraine asked the question casually, but on the inside she felt numb. She already had an idea about where Merlin might be.

"He was in Manchester and we expected him to come with us to the next village, but he said he had other business to attend to." Arthur answered. "Not surprisingly, Merlin did not explain any more than that."

Igraine knew. She knew because the second Arthur told her Morgan was rumored to be with child, Igraine's heart dropped just as Merlin's had. She knew exactly where Merlin had gone. She also knew that it was none of her business, really. It was between Merlin and Morgan. But she couldn't help wondering what would happen if it was true and if it was Merlin's. The thought was enough to bring her blood to a boil. She excused herself before she gave herself away in front of Arthur.

Initially, Igraine had simply been disappointed that Merlin had not returned with Arthur. He had been gone for five days, and she was anxiously looking forward to their reunification. She missed him, but even more, she craved the power she knew she would receive from him. Now she was flat out worried about him. After all, the last two times they set foot in Castle Pendragon, they were held captive. She decided to give him one more day to return before she altered Arthur to the possible danger.

In the meantime, she contemplated the news. Why would Morgan _want _to have a child? Then she recalled her words to Morgan the day Morgan stabbed her. "You can marry a King or you can give birth to one." Could that be what Morgan was up to? It still didn't make sense to Igraine. Granted any child of Morgan would carry the Pendragon bloodline. But that would not trump Arthur or any child Arthur might sire. Nonetheless, it would give Morgan renewed incentive to kill Arthur if she bore a successor to the throne. Those thoughts, combined with the disturbing possibility that this might involve Merlin were enough to cause Igraine to wish disaster upon Morgan. Igraine didn't feel the slightest bit guilty for wishing such a dreadful thought on Morgan's rumored unborn child. When it came to Morgan, there were no longer any rules. Morgan had broken them all, and Igraine was not about to give Morgan the upper hand by adhering to traditional morals. She decided that Morgan could not be allowed to carry the child to term. It was too dangerous for Arthur.

* * *

><p>Merlin returned late that night. He was relieved that Morgan had cleared him of any responsibility for her condition. However, during his long ride back to Camelot, he thought about the implications of Morgan bearing a child. She as much as told him she believed her child would have legitimate bloodlines … and what had she said about Igraine being an "illegitimate" queen? The pieces were still swirling around in his head as he entered the gates of Camelot.<p>

He dismounted, quickly handed his horse over to the stable hand, and hurried off to clean up after his long journey. As he bathed and dressed in his chamber, he wondered if it was too late to go to Igraine. He longed to bury his face in her soft neck and hair and forget about the drama of the past few days for at least for one night. He walked down the hallway to her chamber to see if she was still awake. He first looked around to make sure the hallway was clear and then knocked softly on the door. When Igraine didn't answer, he tried the handle. It was unlocked, so he quietly entered. She looked so beautiful sleeping peacefully that he almost decided not to wake her, but his desire to touch her won out. He leaned over her and softly kissed her forehead, brushing her hair away from her face as he did so.

Igraine stirred, but her eyes remained closed. "Merlin…" she mumbled. He kissed her gently on the lips. "Hmmm" still mumbling, eyes still closed. "So is it yours?" she asked sleepily.

Merlin froze, shocked that Igraine, half asleep, had asked that question. Then he chuckled at the realization that she had put it all together so quickly. "No," he said kissing her forehead again. "It is not."

"Good," she sighed softly, finally opening her eyes all the way, "then you may come to bed."

Merlin smiled, kicked off his boots, and smoothly slipped into the bed next to her. He wrapped one arm around her middle and, just as he desired, buried his face in her neck, breathing in her lovely lavender scent. Igraine curled into him and quickly drifted back to sleep.

* * *

><p>The next morning Igraine woke and went down to the great hall to fetch fruit and bread for breakfast. She had formed a rough agenda in her mind about what to do about Morgan, and wanted to put it in Merlin's mind before he had to dash out of Camelot again. On her way up the stairs, she ran into Guinevere.<p>

"Good morning, Lady Igraine," Guinevere said, eyeing the large amount of food in Igraine's hand. "You must be hungry this morning," she teased.

Igraine smiled sheepishly. "Well, um…" She was so preoccupied in her thoughts about Morgan that she couldn't think of an excuse.

Guinevere's mouth dropped open a bit. "You have a secret!"

"Shhhh," Igraine said, pulling Guinevere back up the remaining few steps. "It is not mine alone to share."

Guinevere's eyes narrowed a bit and her mouth turned into a smirk as she again attempted to elicit Igraine's secret. "Even though it was really Morgan that betrayed me, I feel like you owe me…"

Igraine rolled her eyes and smiled. "Nice try." With that, she scurried of to her chamber and left Guinevere wondering who else was in there. Guinevere briefly contemplated camping out in the hallway to wait to see who came out, but she decided it would be more fun to try to figure it out by observing Igraine interacting with people throughout the day.

* * *

><p>Igraine entered her room and shut the door quickly. Merlin had been sleeping lightly but woke up at the sound of the door opening.<p>

"Are you being followed?" Merlin joked, yawning. He had noticed the vexed expression on her face.

"What? Oh, no…" she replied. "I … have breakfast for two in my hands and Guinevere noticed." She shrugged and flashed a sheepish smile.

"Ah," Merlin said, getting out of bed and walking toward her. "And you are embarrassed to be associated with me, hmmmm?" He took the food she was holding and set it on a table. Then he seductively wrapped his arms around her waist. "I would be too," he mocked, kissing her neck and collar bone.

She swatted his arms away and playfully grabbed his chin. "Not in the least. _You_ are the recluse with all of the secrets. I only assumed I am one of them." With that she pushed him toward the dining chair and got down to business. "So, what are we going to do about this mystery child Morgan is carrying? I'm guessing she did not divulge the identity of the father?"

Merlin's eyes turned dark as he sat down. He would have preferred to ignore the subject at least until lunch. "It's too early in the morning to think about her," he complained.

"If she carries the child to term, she will likely claim it is an heir to the throne. She will have even more incentive to harm Arthur." Igraine warned.

Merlin sighed. "I do not disagree."

"I have been thinking about it, and I fear I may have put the idea in her head…" Igraine mused. "I told her she would never become Queen simply by eliminating Arthur."

"When was this?" Merlin asked, suddenly curious.

"When she tried to kill me. You were busy—downstairs—_not_ using your powers." Igraine shot Merlin a "told you so" look.

"She said something to me about my blood not being pure enough…" Merlin recalled, thinking out loud. Their eyes met as they simultaneously came to the same conclusion.

"Who else can she imitate?" Igraine asked as she realized that Morgan might have seduced Arthur.

"I've only seen her take her childhood form and yours," Merlin replied. "But I wouldn't rule anything out."

"I'm not sure it really matters. We must stop this regardless of whether Arthur has anything to do with it," Igraine said, popping a grape into her mouth.

Merlin's eyes widened. Was his lovely and docile queen suggesting that they should somehow end Morgan's pregnancy? Even he had not permitted himself to consider that. He was speechless.

"I'm sure there are several ways it could be done," Igraine continued. "I'm sure it could be accomplished _indirectly_ if that were more palatable." She gave him a purposeful look.

Merlin contemplated her suggestion as he chewed deliberately on a piece of bread. Merlin knew Morgan was fully responsible for the attack on Bardon Pass and by all rights, she should have been sentenced to death for treason. And Merlin himself had instructed Arthur that people did not matter and that Arthur should do whatever was necessary to protect his reign. What was this any different? A threat was a threat.

"You have harnessed your power quite successfully recently," Igraine reminded him, standing up and walking slowly to his side of the table. She traced her index finger from his cheek across the top of his head to the other cheek and turned his face toward hers. "And she deserves no mercy," Igraine stated icily, leaning down to kiss Merlin purposefully.

As she did so, she slid one hand down his chest into his lap. Merlin groaned and dropped the apple slice he had been holding. He reached up to her face and pulled her tighter against his mouth. He had been away for five days, and his desire had been reawaked by her aggressive gesture and perhaps by her suggestion that he use his power against Morgan. He felt an almost primal urge to take her in that moment, but his regard for her tempered that instinct. He summoned his self control and waited for her to dictate their union that morning. She did not disappoint him, for she had also waited five long days. In those days she grew anxious to feel his hands on her and his power flowing through her. She wasted no time in shedding both his clothes and hers and didn't bother leading him back to her bed. The chair served quite nicely. Neither of them could suppress their grunts and moans of delight and anyone that passed by her chamber in the hallway certainly would have known what was going on. Igraine felt Merlin's power, and her desire for him grew more voracious with every stroke. Merlin was simply a man enjoying the carnal pleasure of his Lady. Thoroughly satisfied, Igraine collapsed into him, her hair cascading down over her breasts and onto his shoulders. He continued to gently nibble on her neck and chin as he recovered from his forceful climax. "It's nice to be back," he said into her neck, stroking her hair.

"Indeed."


	7. Chapter 7

**VII – The Planning**

Not surprisingly, Igraine's tactics were quite persuasive. After Merlin left her chamber that morning, his thoughts were dominated by Igraine's suggestion regarding Morgan. The thought of using his power was tantalizing. The thought of demonstrating his dominance over Morgan was enticing. Even though chivalry was not generally Merlin's style, the thought of avenging the attempted murder of his Lady was tempting. And all could be said to be in done in the name of protecting Arthur and Camelot. The more he thought about it, the more he became convinced that he not only _could _accomplish this task, but he _should _do it. Now quite interested in the idea that Morgan's pregnancy be ended _indirectly_, Merlin decided to abandon his plans to ride out with Arthur's men that day. He strode purposefully through the great hall, collected a few instruments, tools, and a loaf of bread, and made his way down into the nadirs of Camelot to his secret room.

Igraine watched him from the balcony overlooking the great hall and smiled smugly to herself. She knew where he was going. He was going to think and scheme and plan. And she would leave him alone—at least for a while—to allow him to flesh out the outline of the plan she had proposed to him. But Igraine decided she would not leave him alone for more than a day. She had seen what being alone in that room with only his obsessive thoughts and cryptic drawings could do to him. She had no intention of letting him slip back into that state after he had come so far in terms of his humanity in the past weeks. As much as she desired to feed off of his power, and as much as she wanted to crush Morgan, Igraine cared deeply for Merlin. She certainly did not want this mission to damage him.

"You look concerned," Guinevere said walking up beside Igraine and looking out over the great hall in the direction that Merlin had gone. "Who are you watching for?" she asked.

Igraine turned to Guinevere, smiled, and placed her hand on the young woman's forearm. "Please Guinevere, I promise I will tell you what you long to know in time. But right now I have no such authority. Please understand."

"There is only one man who would warrant such secrecy," Guinevere said, "and I have seen the way you watch him—_and_ the way he watches you. I did not think anything of it until this morning. When I thought about it, I realized that you have been his only confidant in Camelot. Now you are apparently much more than that. I only hope you do not have to hide it forever." Guinevere smiled, gently removed Igraine's hand from her arm and walked down the hallway.

* * *

><p>Merlin secured the door behind him and surveyed the state of his room. He had not been here since using his power to save Igraine. It both thrilled and terrified him to recall the amount of power he summoned and harnessed to accomplish that feat. "A worthy use," he reminded himself. The room was in disarray. Merlin really could not recall what he had put himself through in the seven days that he had spent there. He must have come to after saving Igraine, retreated to his room, and eventually blacked out again before finally regaining full consciousness. He slowly walked around the room trying to determine what he had been up to in those seven days. Everything he saw made him think about using his magic, and that thought excited him far more than it ever had in the recent past. He had not actively plotted to use his power in the last ten years. Of course he had summoned it for various purposes during that time, but each time he had used it, it was a spur of the moment decision—never premeditated. Now, the mere thought of using his power was stirring the very depths of his sole.<p>

Merlin couldn't make any sense out of the various drawings and symbols he had left the last time he was there, so he gathered them filed them away. Perhaps someday he would come to realize their meaning so he did not want to destroy them, but he preferred to start thinking about the Morgan problem with a clear head. Having cleared the room of all distractions, Merlin began to pace, thinking, working things out in his head, and pausing to record his thoughts now and then. As the day wore on, Merlin became more and more focused on his plot and, as a result, more and more aroused by the thought that soon he would use his magic. His relatively simple plan was to transform himself into the form of one of Morgan's servants and to slip substances known to cause miscarriage into her food and drink. The only uncertainty in his plan was that Merlin had never transformed himself into another form before. Most of his thoughts that night were devoted to divining a way to do so safely. It was dangerous and took great control—even Morgan had not yet mastered the skill and she had much practice. However, the pleasure Merlin felt from the mere _thought_ of summoning his power to accomplish this end put him in a state of euphoria—a feeling matched only by the state of ecstasy he achieved after most of his encounters with Igraine. It prevented him from worrying about the danger involved in his plan.

* * *

><p>By the next morning, Merlin was so stimulated from plotting and planning that he was seriously considering summoning his power to do something—<em>anything<em>—to get some relief. A knock at his door distracted him from the thought momentarily. He went to peer through one of the cracks and saw that it was Igraine. He sighed, relieved. First, he would not have tolerated anyone else, and second, there was more than one way to gain relief from his highly aroused state.

"Merlin," she said softly, expecting the worst. "Let me in."

The door flew open. Igraine looked into Merlin's eyes and saw that he was alert and lucid. In fact she saw something more. There was fire in his eyes. But it was not the same fire she had become accustomed to seeing when they were together. This fire was not for her, and she was surprised and a little frightened when he advanced on her without a word—not bothering to ask her for permission and handling her more roughly than he ever had before. But the moment he touched her, she felt his energy pouring into her. It was far stronger than it ever had been and she immediately became intoxicated by it. She would have given him anything he wanted in that moment to keep him near her. All other thoughts left their minds as Igraine received her fix and simultaneously satisfied Merlin's urgent need for relief.

It was only after he was finished and had separated himself from her and she was coming down from her own high that she fully appreciated the source of his odd behavior and the accompanying incredible power she received. She realized this was the beginning of the answer to her question about how strong the power could be if Merlin actually used his magic, and it was dangerously addictive. Igraine wondered if the normal level of energy he fed her would be satisfy her after experiencing this. The only way to ensure this heighted state of power was to keep him focused on the Morgan problem. So she encouraged him to continue working on the plan to take down Morgan and promised to return later that evening to check on him.


End file.
